Vacation and Clo*mid

So Tim and I went on vacation for the last week at the beach house in Clinton that we have been to for the last 3 years. It is an amazing place and we have such a blast inviting our friends to come and spend time with us there. There is no internet and it really just gives us a time to recharge our emotional batteries. We relax and hang out. We bring out dog Moxie with us and she hangs out and loves being on the beach and playing frisbee and digging holes.

So we do a week in June and a week in September...just to give us something to look forward to.

So, we got to the beach house on Saturday and had a few couples up and did a Mexican night with our friends, played a drinking game and just had a blast. Sunday we had a dozen or more people up to hang out with us and I made enough food for an army! We had so much left over that I did not have to cook for the whole week. I took these days to have a few drinks, since hopefully this will be my last time drinking for a long time.

Monday I started my first day of clomi*d. I took it Monday through Friday, 50mgs. I also ordered my Ovid*rel injection from Freed*om pharmacy. I was really happy that the pills and shot only cost a whopping $15!

So I don't see to have had any physical side effects of the medicine so far, luckily. But emotionally they are kicking my ass. I did not really feel it until Saturday. I felt like I wanted to cry at the drop of a hat, and I felt angry as well, and then I was extra angry that I was angry, because I did not want to be angry. I felt sort of anti-social and just really not myself. It continued over to today, where I woke up cranky and was not nice to my husband over something that was not a big deal. I just feel over emotional and sad and angry. and I take that back, I feel really, really tired physically. That is the only change I have noticed.

So I go in on Wednesday and see how many eggs are growing, if any. It is possible that this is not the drug for me and it is not working. It is possible they will see some great eggs. I am anxious to see and hopeful that it is working....They will see how big the eggs are and I may need to be monitored for a few times to get the eggs to the size they want them, and then they will tell me to do my shot at home....and then the I*UI (insemination with the hubs swimmers).

I am really hopeful that it will all work out, but trying to be realistic as well,. It seems a bit harder for me today, because it is Fathers Day. Aside from my father hating me, I feel really sad that I am not able to just make a baby normally for my husband. And it makes me even more sad to think that half of the dads out there are dads on accident. And it really makes me feel sad, and broken that I just can't say okay, its time and make a baby. I am broken. And I often wonder if my husband feels that way too, but just will not say it. It weighs heavily on my mind...and my heart.

I feel so many emotions and think surely crazy thoughts..I just wish that someone, somewhere understood. I can see this is already taking a small toll on my marriage with my crankiness and my husband who doesn't really quite get it. He wants to get it, I know he does, but I just dont think he can.

So, I will update on Wednesday!