Merry Christmas

So the holiday has passed...it was not really anything special to my husband and I...we aren't religous and we don't exchange presents with anyone, so really, it was just another day. We drove to RI and had dinner with my mom and step dad...it was nice..a LONG 2 hour ride each way though...really long.

Part of me feels a little selfish and childish, wishing we exchanged presents with someone, to get some sort of a surprise and to unwrap something...seeing all the stuff that people got and hearing how spoiled they were. I want to be spoiled :-(....I feel like we are the forgotten couple. OKay end of rant!

Next year will be really different and I really look forward to celebrating with our boys, who will be about 9 months old....

Everything else is all as it should be...Moxie hates wearing sweaters...it's sort of funny, she walks like she has a broken leg or something....

The babies are good...one was head down..which gives me a little hope to birth them without a c section...we shall see.

Oh, and my husband FINALLY got to feel them, or one of them, move yesterday! I was so glad...they kick and move often, but by the time I make sure its really good kicking and call him over, they stop...so I was really excited for him yesterday..he thought it was neat and said those are good kicks. It was 24 weeks 5 days...I hope he gets to feel it many more times.

I still feel really great and have lots of energy and steam on some days, and on others, none. Not a drop. I have lost a pound each week for the last few weeks, which makes me happy...I would like to only gain about 15 pounds with the pregnancy...I am at 14 right now...maybe a pipe dream, we shall see!

I hope you all had a great day with whoever you celebrate the holiday with, and all your hopes and dreams for 2011 come true...whatever those dreams include!

Oh, and 5 followers now, woot!

The loves of my life!

My furbabies! I love them to death and thought I would post a picture (or a dozen) of them recently.

My dog Moxie is very, very attached to me and LOVES to snuggle...and she has to be super close to me...she is very much a people person and just the biggest puddle of mush.

One of her only flaws is that she gets SO excited when people come and visit, she thinks they are only here for her...she jumps sometimes but as soon as someone sits on our couch she is ALL over them and she thinks she weighs 10 pounds..it's all a bit much and I have some concern about how she will handle all the visitors when they come to see the babies...

But she is an amazing dog..we got really lucky. I think she will be a great big sister to the babies.

My cat AJ is a mushy too and loves attention, and cries VERY loudly to demand it, and is awesome at head butts!

Here are some very recent pictures of our mushy guys!

The one of Moxie with her head on the green soft blanket...that bump in the picture is my baby belly...she often has her head on my tummy...:-)

I am going to try and upload a video as well...

lalalala

Today I am sick and in bed...I have some sinus/cold thing going on, which involves lots of sneezing and nose blowing...it's unpleasant..I think I caught it from the little kids I babysit for. They go to daycare and are sick often but had nasty colds on Friday when I sat...the mom said oh, they both have colds, sorry. Thanks lady...I actually told them today that after the first I wouldn't be babysitting anymore....they go to daycare and I foresee them being nothing but sick ALL winter..

I think my dog is going stir crazy, just as I am...I feel bad, but it is freezing outside and I am not taking her out for a walk...plus walking getting more and more uncomfy.

I went to the doctor yesterday and all is well still. Heard the hearts...I am 23 weeks tomorrow...starting in 2 weeks I have to go and be on the monitors every week to monitor for contractions, which I guess you can have and not feel and is pretty common, preterm labor, with twins. I have made it over the hump of needing the circlage (stitches in my cervix to keep it closed) so that is good. I am testing my blood sugar 4 times a day, which is a pain in the ass, even though I have not been diagnosed with gestational diabetes, with the PCOS it is a very real possibility, plus being overweight, they are treating me like I have it. They have been great so far, so we will see.

My husband is super busy at work, and has not been home before 11 any night in a long while...I kind of miss him being home....things slow down after the holidays....and he has the 2 days after Christmas off so he has 5 days in a row.

Speaking of christnas, we aren't very festive but I am starting to wish we were a tad bit more this year. I am getting excited.

Hope all is well. As an unemployed lady, I don't have a whole ton to blog about :-(

All is well....

I am way past due for a blog post....I know this, and always have good intentions on making one, and then..nada.

I am super tired lately. Like crazy, frustratingly tired. There is so much I want to do, and have no energy to do it.

So, first update, the babies. We had our level 2 ultrasound at the hospital with the high risk doctors...all is well. We saw them in 4D which was really neat. They are indeed both boys and appear to be growing/developing just as they should be.

I have to be checking my blood sugar 4 times a day now and calling my numbers into the perinatologists office. It sucks...but I have to do what I have to do for me and these boys....

Making a bit of progress on the nursery....this weekend is dedicated to getting the futon and computer desk out of there so we can prep to have it painted!

Now...life. It's okay. It's getting pretty cold here in the North East...no snow yet though.

Thanksgiving was nice...we spent it with the hubs family. Family time was nice, the food wasn't my favorite...all I wanted was turkey skin...and when we walked in, there it was..all glistening on the bird and I was excited....I go to say hellos and come back to the kitchen to see my father in law throwing all that glorious skin in the TRASH!! Are you kidding!! He said it wasn't healthy. Listen, these babies don't care. Luckily I was able to get a tiny piece he hadn;t thrown away, but I was so sad about it lol.

After dinner the family tradition of making gingerbread houses commenced and it was really nice. My husband and I have a lot to be thankful for this year...

We are sort of boycotting Christmas this year. We bought presents for the kids in our family as we always do, but we aren't doing a tree or any decorations or anything this year. It is too much work to lug it all down from the attic, only to have to put it all back away a month later, when we have so much other stuff to be moving/lugging/organizing...so not a drop of christmas cheer in our house this year. We realize this is the last year we can really pull off the bah humbug thing...so we are milking it!

My hubs went to the doctor and it was a tough visit...he is overweight (we both are) but it is taking a toll on his health and he was pretty sad about that. His blood pressure is too high and he now needs to take meds for it,,,his cholesterol is up and he is going for a sleep study because his snoring is out of control!....I feel bad for him, I know how hard it is to lose weight...

My car broke down, and it cost $710 to get back to running....it sucks. Money sucks. I wish I was working and earning an income. Still not adjusting well to that whole thing...

There is probably a lot I am forgetting and my post is all over the place....I will blog more often so I don't feel like I have to cram a ton into one post....

Nursery stuff...

I am not great with the pictures....but let me try. This is some of the stuff that my husband and I have bought.....

We bought 2 of these cribs..they are by Graco and got great reviews in the Baby Bargains book and were not very costly...about $145 each.



We also bought the matching changing table. All we need furniture wise for the babies room is a dresser, which we will probably get from Ikea.

(I can not get these pictures to cooperate, I don't know how you ladies do it....)

We also bought this bedding by Carters, we opted to buy the bumper and crib skirt rather than buy a whole bedding set. We bought matching blankets and sheets as well. We got one sage and one chocolate color bedding.....so they were not both the same!

Great, now my pictures are going in the opposite order I wanted them to. Grr..


Well, we also bought 2 of these car seats....we bought these when we were only about 6 weeks pregnant. We got a great deal, and thought they were unisex enough...

We bought this stuff to accent the nursery, which will be green and brown. We got this super cute monkey lamp, which was a splurge because it was $50....we also got matching wall decals, and pillows and blankets. Just enough to not over monkeyize it, but enough to make it cute!


Two days ago I bought this glider and ottoman. It seemed a bit like a luxury purchase, but I can not imagine not rocking my babies.....I love that it is wide and let's me sit up enough. Many I tried were very laid back and I did not like that feeling....

And lastly, we got this lamb swing. I had my heart set on it since before we were pregnant, but it was $150 and getting it for both was out of the question. Well, I got one, and only paid $75 for it, thanks to being marked wrong, and using a coupon and all sorts of other discounts....

So, this is all the stuff we have bought new...I will do another post on what I have bought used from Craigs List!

I feel like I am back in high school....

Ya know, fat and lots of zits. My zits are out of control. I have gained maybe 10 pounds, but I worked so hard to lose the 52 before I got pregnant. Sometimes I think I made the wrong surgery choice and I should have opted for the full gastric bypass and lost a lot more weight quicker...

Anyway...I cleaned our basement out and it is super clean...we had our oil tank removed, since we went to propane this year with our new furnace....yay for having a new furnace for the winter. We have so much room in our basement, which is good because our new freezer comes in less than 2 weeks!

My Moxie went to doggie daycare yesterday and has literally slept for the last 11 hours, no desire to get up, not even to pee. I love a lazy loungy dog.

Old Navy is having an extra 50% off clearance sale. I hit 2 stores yesterday, and debating on a 3rd today! I love a bargain...I got about 10 shirts for me, and paid less than $2.99 for each of them. I got a few things for the boys. I really love bargains. They are not maternity shirts, but I got xxl and they are pretty big and long, and will work nicely...and not break the bank. I can still fit in a fewof my old navy sweats, but for leaving the house, there is no way around maternity pants. Oh, and I need to address my bra situation, and a situation it is becoming. I wonder if my boobs will EVER stop growing, because it is getting old.

I have been doing focus groups....tonight is my 3rd one, in 3 weeks. They are fun, you meet great people and well, you get paid cash. Tonights is $125! I hope I can get picked for more.

I worry about money a lot. I know, a few lines above I spoke of my new clothes, but I just worry, mostly about the future, our retirement, what I will do for work when I am ready to go back, will we make ends meat, because folks, 2 babies are expensive.

So, I think I am going to throw my own baby shower. I wish it wasn't the case, but my mom wanted to but is out of work from an inury and doesn't have the money to, and well, no one else has really stepped up. I don't have a lot of friends. I don't know if I have ever confessed that on here before...but I have very few friends. I think I am a nice girl, and I don't know why, but bottom line is, hardly any. It makes me sad, more sad than I ever want to admit. I wish it was different, but it is what it is. So, I think I will throw my own shower, I have one "friend" who is going to help a bit, but...meh...it's far from how I saw my baby shower going.

I went to the doctors yesterday...I addressed some of my concerns with her. My endo found protein in my urine, so now I have to do a 24 hour one, I also am having my first glucose test this week. I go on the 30th to the hospital/perinatologist for our level 2 anatomy ultrasound. 8 am, yuck. The hubs will get to come though, which is nice. Our office ultrasound lady said it is a neat one to be there for.

We met with and decided on a pediatrician. One more thing to cross off my list.

Weird to think that I am more than halfway done being pregnant. The doctor said yesterday she is thinking 34ish weeks, which is March 1st...but we will see...but I am just about 19 weeks now, and an way will they allow me to go past 38 weeks. I don't know whether to be happy its halfway over or sad.

Thats that!

I am loving reading blogs, and one that I read just got a BFP! Yay...it took a long time and I know she was often discouraged. I really hope everyone gets the BFP they deserve very soon!

Is the farm or paycheck worth more?

So things have been going good....mostly.

I had an ultrasound today and the tech said she would bet the farm that baby B is a boy, and she would bet this weeks paycheck that baby A is a boy, but is still teetering at about 90%...will not say 100%. We have almost everything we need for these babies. We have been blessed by some hand me down clothing and gear and I have bought a lot. I dropped $275 at babies r us the otehr day getting nursery bedding/decorations. I got a ton, it was buy 1 get 1 half price..I love our theme and will be sure to post pictures. We have to start clearing out the babys room to get ready to paint. There is a futon and computer desk in there and a buncha baby stuff!

I have been getting headaches everyday, which stinks. I have mentioned it to the doctor and he told me to take a shower and blow my nose..it was sinus related. Which irriatted me. I am really feeling like I am not getting the best, or necessary care from my OB office. No one seems to be on the same page, and so far I have only liked one of the doctors I have seen. I used to see the nurse practioner and loved her for all GYN things, but she can't do OB stuff...part of me wants to switch doctors offices. Going into this I had insulin resistance and PCOS and was on metformin, and my endo said I would have to be monitored closely. Well, guess who is not being monitored at ALL. Never have I had to give a urine to check it for sugar or anything. I called my endo because I am concerned about the headaches and she sent me a lab slip and is checking my sugars and a bunch of other things, but when I go to see a doctor on Tuesday, I am going to stand up for myself, and my babys health and demand better care. Or I am finding a new office.

I am getting pretty bored being at home all the time....the first few months were great, but now it is old, and boring. I wish I had a hobby, all I do all day is sit on Facebook and wait for someone to update their status. It's very sad, really.

My Moxie was really sick for a few days, and it was rough and scary to all of us. She is better, but still eating chicken and rice...she surely doesn't seem to mind....I hate when my furbaby is sick....she used to get sick a lot but it has been a good 6 months since anything like this happened. She used to throw up several times a week and hasn't but these few days, sure were a dozy!

It has been pretty cold here lately, and I hate the cold :-(

Oh! We bought a upright freezer...I have wanted one for a while, as our regular freezer is quite small, but I also really want to be able to start to cook and freeze some stuff for later in the pregnancy and when we come home from the hospital. It gets delivered in a few weeks, we have to clean a spot for it in the basement. Also, it will store breast milk longer than a regular freezer, and it will accommodate big Costco shopping trips for growing bots in the future. We got it on sale and it was a good price.

Hmm...that may be it for now...

Honest feelings

So..I have a lot of feelings and what better place to be honest and spill them then here, where a total of like 3 people read!

So...I am a tad bit sad that we are not having boy/girl twins. I really wanted one of each. This will be our only pregnancy. The hubs is going to be fixed after they are born, this is it. We agreed on one, got 2 which is a blessing, but we are done. The hubs has a daughter who will turn 18 right around the same time these boys come. We are really done. We aren't young.

I just know girls are more cuddly than boys...boys wipe off kisses and don't to snuggle as much as little girls. Girls have cute clothes and play dress up and barbie. I love my boys already, but really, I know NOTHING about little boys. It will be an adventure...I really wanted to have a boy and a girl. I hope this doesn't make me seem ungrateful. Because I am not, I know I am blessed to be pregnant and to be having 2 babies at once!

Also, it is a little freaky, along with amazing, to know that I am growing actual people inside of me. I mean, I knew I was pregnant all along, heart the hearts, saw the babies, but now to put an actual gender makes them like real little people. I have people renting out space inside of me...living and growing. I can feel them move now, which is crazy and amazing....more amazing, but still a tad bit crazy that these living things inside of me are moving and kicking and punching and I can feel it.

So, there is my vent. It's scary and exciting and I am over the moon in love with my 2 little baby boys to come! Next on the agenda....names. Oy!

It's a ....

Today we had an ultrasound and we found out the sex of our babies. We are 15 weeks and 5 days...

She is 100% sure that baby B is a Boy!

And she is 90% sure that baby A is a Boy as well!

So, here come 2 baby boys into this household....I will be the only girl!

I failed....

I swore I would keep up with the blog challenge...in fact it even got me a new commenter and I was so excited...but then I failed. I had a super busy day on Saturday and then I was sort of in a funk lately. This whole no job/stress about money thing is pretty sucky. And I have been feeling pretty depressed off and on the last few weeks...it is to the point now where I think I may finally admit to the doctor that there could be some sort of an issue. I have suffered from depression in the past and have taken medication but it has been years since I have, but it may be time to face reality...I am depressed. So we will see what they have to say.

My dog has been an issue lately, she seems to have 2 modes....dead to the world and asshole mode lol. She is so rough with the cat and is just always on him and chasing him and nipping him and trying to play, but in a 70 pound dog versus 12 pound cat war...the dog always wins. It drives me nuts because she doesn't know when to quit. She alternates between that and sleeping massive hours of the day. I think she may have a touch of depression as well. Her life has changed since I have become unemployed...she used to go to dog daycare a few times a week and now she doesn't. I should walk her more but I am so tired all the time, it is hard, but I really should put forth the effort.

The hubs and I have both been getting work done on our cars. his went in this week and mine goes in next week. I am getting my lil ole car ready for the winter and for 2 babies. It is a good car, a Honda CR-V, a 1998 with just over 200K miles on it. Still runs like a champ! We are going to keep it as long as we can, and then get a minivan probably.

So that's about it in a nutshell. I am 15 weeks tomorrow,,,,we have an ultrasound on Tuesday and we hope to find out the sex but it may still be a tad too early....we shall see.

Day 2 blog challenge....

The meaning behind your blog name.

I feel like mine is not so creative. I have seen some amazingly funny and creative titles around the community. Mine is just so sort of blah, straight to the point, really.

We wanted to be a family, one that included 2 legged children! So I knew that I wanted a blog to be able to write down all the info from all my appointments and be able to look back and compare months.....

When we found out we were pregnant, I made the current name...again, lacks a lot of character but is straight to the point.

So, not so interesting....

#1

My cousin Kelly and I in July-- up top and A co-worker and I about 2 months ago...

Okay...so I just have to share that today I turn 14 weeks pregnant. Starting the second trimester. Yay!.

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts.

Okay...hmmm...why does this always turn out harder than I thought.

My name is Michelle, but everyone calls me Missy. I just turned 31. I live with my husband and our dog Moxie and our cat AJ. I worked full time until about 5 weeks ago....Boo. My husband works full time and works really hard to support our family. I love to read, I love celebrity gossip, I enjoy shopping, although not so much when it comes to clothes for me. I am a very emotional person who wears my heart on my sleeve and gets my feelings hurt very easily. I am sensitive and really caring and thoughtful. I enjoy cooking, as long as someone will eat it, the more the merrier. I tend to have lower self esteem. I had lap band surgery in Feb and lost 60 pounds...and am scared about gaining it all back with being pregnant.

15 facts -

1. I am 31 and sleep with woobie shorts.
2. I have broken the same ankle twice, once while playing mini-golf.
3. I am addicted to carbs. I don't need chocolate or ice cream...just give me Kraft mac and cheese (of course I can not eat pasta since my surgery but I try all the time)
4. I drive a 1998 Honda Cr-V that just rolled over to 200K miles and runs like a champ!
5. I am a hopeless romantic.
6. I am scared of thunder and being home alone at night (overnight).
7. My husband and I dated a LONG time before getting married...6.5 years.
8. I have always had issues with food, and just long to be a "normal size"
9. I am sensitive to noise. Loud TV, yelling, movies all bother me.
10. I am afraid of the dentist and usually have to take sedatives to go. Although I put on my big girl pants a few weeks ago and took none since I am pregnant. Not in any hurry to do that again.
11. I really enjoy reading blogs, lots and lots of them, and I do not know one person in real life.
12. I am a very thrifty person with money. If it is not on sale, I do not buy it.
13. I love love animals and would be the crazy animal lady if my husband let me.
14. We are super cheap with our heat and did not turn it on until December last year...we keep it set at 50 all winter long and dress in layers and its cold! We go a whole year without 1 oil delivery. (note: this will change when we have babies. We just had a new furnace with central air installed in June. Please do not call DCF!)
15. My husband works a later shift..1-9 pm and gets hom at around 9:30-10:00...therefore by the time he eats and relaxes he doesnt come to bed until 3 or 4 am. We hardly ever go to bed at the same time....


Recent picture, this may be difficult...I am always the picture taker and not in any...let me see what I can find!

Jumping on

So, I am joining a fellow blogger on her 30 day blog challenge. I think this will be great after my last post about not having things to post about and not always wanting to post about babies.

The 30 days are as follows:

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you've traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you're afraid of
Day 11-Favorite tv shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you're looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you've learned
Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30-a picture

I will stick to it as much as I can :-) ENjoy!

Life...it gets away from you

11 days since my last post, shame on me. I feel like i do not have a ton to say.

We had a big party this weekend for some geeky friends, I did a LOT of cooking and serving for 3 days and I am beat. Everyone had a blast though, so as long as people are happy, I am happy.

I had my first trimester screening done and it came back with really great numbers....so we were happy about that. I have to go to the doctors every week starting in 2 weeks and be monitored, they want to check my cervix every week and make sure it is doing well. I had a LEEP (they cut half of my cervix off to remove pre-cancerous cells) years ago and that can cause a problem...I may need a few stitches in it to keep it closed up, but we will keep an eye on it. But every week, man that is a lot of doctors appointments. The only good thing is one week I go for an ultrasound, the next week an exam, then ultrasound etc. So I get to see my babies every other week! That makes me happy.

My husband doesn't have today off, even though technically it is a holiday :-( ...I have to clean my house up after our party and I have a few stores to visit, but I may just relax, I don't know.

I feel a tad bit weird talking too much about my babies here. I know that the few people that do read my blog are going through infertility and I feel horrible talking about being pregnant. I know how emotional and sad I used to get when reading other peoples blogs about them getting pregnant. I was sad and wonder why not me and stuff like that. Sadly, being a stay at home wife/mom does not gve me all that much more to talk about.

Blah Blah Blah

So, I am not in love with my blog design...every time I look at it I feel like I am 4...but I had to change it because the other one went down...I still need to find something I like....just throwing that out there.

Vacation was good. The weather was amazing....it was not overly relaxing for me. It is a beach house and it is RIGHT on the water and it is breathtaking....but there is no room service, or maid service or any of that...I still have to cook, and clean and take care of the dog. So it is a vacation, but it is not like a hotel type of vacation.

And this year we had guests almost everyday, so on top of that I then had to entertain. I mean, it is not hard to sit on the deck and sit around and talk, but I had to serve food to everyone...it was hectic. But we do love it. It is our spot. We got engaged there, and celebrated our one year anniversary there.

On that, I feel sort of bad, or jipped that we did not make a huge deal of our anniversary. We exchanged cards and the hubs got me a gift card for a book store, which was nice, but it was no rock my world, all out romantic day. I mean, we aren't really that kind of people, but it still made me feel, blah.

I shopped while up there and bought a pair of maternity jeans...love them. I bought a few tops from Target as well. I hit 12 weeks today, and I am excited but I haven't seen or heard my babies in 4 weeks, it is the longest I have gone and I can't tell you how anxious I am to hear some heartbeats..I have a fear of something happening to one or both of them. I need to hear them. I go in on Tuesday, which seems like a lifetime away...

Still unemployed...I had my phone hearing and it was approved but I was told, as I am sure they have to tell everyone, that the company can still appeal it, which makes me sad and now I will have to worry for the next month about if they are going to. I hate stress, but I have so much of it!


Oh, I did not take many pictures on vacation, because we have so many pictures from the years past, but here are a few of my Moxie girl! She had a blast for a whole day digging this huge hole on the beach.

Vacation

Tomorrow the hubs and I leave for the beach house..it is such an amazing place to sit back and relax....it has special meaning for us. We have been renting it for about 4 years now, we got engaged there and on Sunday, the 19th we will celebrate our first wedding anniversary there.

So, I will be away, with no internet (which I love) and I will update with some pictures when we get back!

Nothing much, but a whole lot..

So I am siting here, just having eaten the nest sandwich in the world, at least to this pregnant lady! Shaved steak with mushrooms, onions, cheese and mayo...oh boy was it heavenly. so very, very fattening, but so worth it.

This weekend has been pretty dull...yesterday was a dental cleaning, I despise the dentist and am usually sedated for all dental work, it makes me that crazy but yesterday I had to get a cleaning and not use sedation....it was really hard to put on my big girl pants and suck it up, but I did, but am in NO rush to do it again.

Then we celebrated my niece Amelias 5th birthday. So many screaming kids, and I just did not seem to have the patience for it haha

I have been sick for about a week now and it seems to only be getting worse...I was up all night coughing and have just been feeling icky.

Today we have some plans to do some stuff around the house, including finishing emptying our old bedroom and turning it into a proper guest room, as we have weekend visitors coming in a few weeks...I feel like my house is always so dirty and it makes me nuts...granted everyone says it is in my head, but I really really want to whip this house into shape this week....

Next Saturday we pack up our stuff, including Miss Moxie and head to the beach house for a very much needed week of relaxation....

A week already...

Wow, I never mean to let a week go by!

Let's see, last weekend was my 31st birthday...my husband was away having a mantime weekend...I drove to RI on Sunday to see my family and spend my birthday with them..it was really nice and I was glad that I was able to do it, it is a bit of a long ride, almost 2 hours each way, but I still enjoy the family time.

Thisweek I have been cleaning the house, wanting to get each room in order, so far I have done the bathroom and kitchen and bedroom...I am talking top to bottom cleaning and it feels good, ceilings, walls, rearranging the kitchen, we now have a cupboard for baby stuff and room for 2 highchairs...

Today I don't feel well, it has been creeping up all week with a cough but this morning I have no voice, lots of coughing and watery eyes...maybe allergies, I am going to rest easy today and do nothing. We have a doggie social later at hiking trails a little bit away, I am going to try hard to get there with Moxie, it will do us both good.

I bought a crib and a changing table yesterday, they only had one of the cribs that I want so I have to order another one, but we now have a place for a baby to sleep.

On Tuesday I had my first OB appointment...I got to hear the heartbeats for the first time...I got to see them a bit better, this ultrasound machine was super high tech and it was the first time that the babies actually started to have a baby shape with a head and arms and legs rather than looking like a circle, it was neat.

I opted to have all the tests that they want to do, some people do and some people dont but I want it so I have some blood work to get done and a special ultrasound at the hospital early October...

We leave for vacation next Saturday to the beach house...I am excited, we will celebrate our first wedding anniversary there and its a special place, we got engaged there as well.

I think that is a bit it for now. I am still feeling sad about being unemployed...I started some babysitting to earn a bit of money, but I am trying to put my feelings all in a place....

Well,that was an easy decision

So at 11:00 am yesterday I was let go from my job. My boss came in and told me that I wasn't "fitting in" and when I asked for specific examples she just said it wasn't working out. Funny it took them 2.5 years to figure that out and they did not figure it out until I was pregnant. Sadly, CT is an at will state and I was a temporary employee, so really they don't need any real reason to fire me.

I spent all day yesterday crying my eyes out. I don't think I went more than 5 minutes without crying. I was a wreck. My husband has been amazing and said that I should just relax and be a stay at home wife/mom. I feel like I have a lot of months left to just sit home, but I also know that I probably wouldn't have been able to work much past January, they say you shouldn't plan to work past 28 weeks with twins, and that most women need bedrest.

I can collect unemployment, at least they told me i could and the letter they gave me simply states that they no longer need my services...I filed already but because I was let go I have a telephone hearing on the 28th, and will get no checks until then, so I hope I get it. Thanks to Obama you can collect for an awful long time.

I am happy about being able to stay home with my babies...I am going to commit to breastfeeding and enjoy raising them. I am worried about money. My husband makes a decent living and we will get by, but I fear how the transition will be going from each conrtibuting to his money all of a sudden being ours. I will get about $200 a week in unemployment, not a lot, but enough to contribute a tad.

Health insurance wise we will have to go on my husbands....his coverage costs more and is not nearly as good as mine, we will have a 750 deductable, and co-pays will be $20/$40 for a specialist. I am just glad I got so much from my health insurance, lapband and fertility wise....I couldn't imagine having to have paid $40 every doctors visit to the RE...if this plan would have even covered any fertility stuff...

So, thats been my life for the last few days....yesterday seemed like the end of the world, today seemed better. I am going to spend next week getting this house cleaned and in shape, since switching the bedrooms it is all a mess. We have vacation the 19-25th...

Oh, and I packed my husband up and sent him on a 2 day/2 night manfest, or LAN party to any geeks out there. He packs his computer and someone hosts a party and they all play computer games and eat and drink, they are going to the gun range tomorrow as well...man thinsg with the same bunch of friends....it happens a few times a year and I am glad he gets the time to go spend some man time. I made him 10 pounds of buffalo wings and sent him on his way.

I will miss him, I hate, hate, hate, okay, maybe I am actually scared to be home alone...I go nuts and lock all the doors and windows and keep checking them and sleep with the phone by the bed and put the flashlight and hammer on the nightstand. I hate it, alot.

Baby beats

I had my last appointment with the fertility doctor today...they did an ultrasound. Baby a had a heartbeat of 161 and baby b was 163. All is well. I have my first OB appointment on Tuesday the 7th.

So I am beyond stressed with the whole day care thing. I have a job with the State. I am only considered part-time per diem, although I work 35 hours each and every week. I get no vacation, sick or holiday time paid. I can take as much time as I want, just all unpaid. I dont make that much hourly even, just $14.25. But the benefits are amazing. I have health benefits though them and they are suped up CT State employee benefits. I get so much that I know other people don't.

My lapband was covered 100% within 4 weeks. My infertiliy was paid for completely, from testing, HSG, Sono, IUI, meds.....I had a $10 copay at the docs only. I think it cost $85 each month between the 3-4 ultrasounds and blood work and meds and what not. Ovidrel was $10, Clomid was $5.

I don't want to stop working. I will have a great retirement package with the State and my husband jokes that he will take care of us now and I will take care of us later. I also enjoy my job.

CT is expensive, everything in it, cost of living is the highest after NY I think....my mom lives in RI and can never get over how much more everything costs here.

Daycare, for a meh center, far from the best, for the twins they want $546 a week. Far more than I make, or at least take home after they get done taking all they do for all the things I am paying into (medical, dental, retirement, logevity and a few other thinsg I dont even know what they are). That would be a total of $2316 a month after a 2% paying monthly discount. Our mortgage is $1950 a month. $400 a month mor ethan our mortgage. Yikes.

I have called about half a dozen home daycares, which would still be about $400 a week, but the problem with that is they canonly have 2 infants under 2, and most already have one and will not have openings for 2, or they have a daycare kids mom who is pregnant and will have had an infant by that time.

I really am at a loss. I am so beyond blesed to be pregnant with twins, I know this. But with 2, it really is double the cost. The daycare will break us. The diapers, the formula, everything. It is going to be really difficult.

I am trying to talk my mom into coming and staying a few days a week with us to help out. She lives in another State so she would have to come and stay a few nights here. I dont know what is going to wok out, but i am super stressed about this.

I don't want to have to quit my job. It would be nice to stay home for a year, but I dont want to give up the state job. I wont get it back, I am pretty sure. I have put in almost 3 years there and I know even though it doesnt pay much now, in the long run it will pay off big time for us.

Sad :-(

.........

I never really seem to have to have something specific to blog about. I have a post brewing in my microsoft word that will be posted in about a week. Other than that, I live a pretty boring life and don't have too much to blog about but feel like I love when people update their blogs and I should update mine!

I found light block curtains at Bed, Bath and Beyond that match and work great. And they didn't break the bank. I was a happy girl. Yesterday morning I took off for a few hours and had some me time. I went to the mall, grabbed some Starbucks, walked around and just took my time. I went in and out of stores not looking for anything inparticular. I bought my first pair of maternity pants, I wont wear them yet but they are comfy! I then went to lunch at a little cafe by myself. It was nice, and a much needed break for me. Then I came home to the hubs....he sleeps much later than I do, because he is on an opposite schedule. He stays up until like 3-4 am and then can sleep until 11 or 12 sometimes.

Sleep for me lately is so hard. It just doesnt happen. I try. I am super tired, but it just doesnt happen. I want it to, but no such luck.

Yesterday afternoon we had some friends bring their puggle over to have a playdate with Moxie. We went to the dog park and we hiked and let them run and swim and play. Then we came home and hung out and they played some more. The dog is so small and my Moxie is so patient with her, it is very sweet. Moxie will be passed out for the next 2 days with all that playing. That pup was non-stop!

Today I think we are just going to lay low, there is laundry to do and odds and ends, maybe a trip to Costco..nothing big at all and I like it that way.

In baby news, everything seems to be okay, but I am still my paranoid self that something is going to go wrong. I hate feeling so worried all the time.

Random

I think I may be addicted to blogs. I come home and the first thing I want to do is read them. Especially the ones that I am waiting for big news on! I read probably about 20 blogs, but comment on very few. I dont want people to think I am some weird random girl. But I started reading one blog and just followed link after link and bookmarked the ones that I liked, or that had some similarities to my life. I now read about 20...and enjoy them all. Maybe I should comment more, then maybe more people would read my bloog, which would be great.

Random things - a few pictures as well!

* I froze food for the first time in my life and it did not go so well. A big slab of lasagna..I wrapped it in wax paper and then foil and then put in a baggie. I should have skipped the wax paper...it did not peel off very nice, in fact it didnt peel all off. We are thinking of buying a chest freezer, but I guess I should learn how to freeze stuff first.

* I am loving my new bedroom. It needs curtain, as the black trashbags taped up right now take a little something away from the room, but there are 2 windows in this room and our other bedroom had a very small one so the light is so bright. I hate bright light in the morning. After I get curtains I will post pictures.

* Moxie seems to be adjusting a bit more each day, but clearly has a preference for upstairs. She has slept half the nights with us though.

* I went to the doctors yesterday and saw 2 flickering little heartbeats. It caused a slew of emotions that I will talk about in another blog post.

* One really odd, very embarrassing fact about me is that I am almost 31 years old and still sleep with "woobie" shorts. I have had this pair of nylon shorts (never wore them) and I HAVE to have them in hand to go to sleep. I rub them, they make a comfroting swish sound. I said I would give them up when I got married. I havent.

* I got a pedicure today. I love them.

Hello out there!

Oh goodness, I am so excited to know that a few people are reading my blog and commenting. I have missed all the comments because I had no idea anyone read this! Thank you! It makes me beyond excited, scarily excited if you must know.

So what a shitty nights sleep I had last night. There is no other word to describe it. And it is all thanks to my dog. My poor 2.5 year old dog named Moxie, who from the moment we brought her home at 9 weeks always slept upstairs in our bedroom. She is in denial that we have moved rooms. She is angry about it, in fact.

All night last night I would hear walk in our new room, stare at me, throw her weight against the mattress with a sigh, walk out and I would hear her walk upstairs. She would stay there for about 30 mins and repeat the whole process. Even as I type this, she is upstairs and refuses to enter the new bedroom.

We brought her bed in here, showed it to her, pet her, talked to her and she couldnt get out fast enough. Poor thing, but really, its a room. Your bed is here, your mom and dad are here...lets get over it.

Hopefully tonight is a far better night, but I am not getting my hopes up from the mere fact that she refuse to come downstairs.

Super busy!

We have been super busy in the Stanton household this weekend.....

Our house is 3 floors, the top floor has 2 bedrooms, the main floor has 2 bedrooms, the bathroom and the iving room and kitchen and the basement is finished and actually where we spend most of our time. We have always had our bedroom on the top floor, but now the doc wants me to limit my stairs and the whole getting up 4 times a night thing is old already anyway....so we are moving our bedroom to the main floor, right near the bathroom! And the babies room will be across the hall.
Blogger: Our journey to becoming two, and then hopefully three.... - Create Post
The bedroom we were going into was a light purple, it is my stepdaughter's room...I do not want a purple bedroom. I have a really nice bedding set in our bedroom I love, so I wanted to match the bedroom to it, I picked brown. a deep, dark brown. I was scared, I have never done such deep, bold color...but figured with the white trim and the light bedroom furniture we have it would be okay....I love it!

My brother in law came over yesterday and helped and the 3 of us got the 2 coats of paint on it nd it looks fantastic! Today we have to touch up some of the white trim where some brown got on it...we have friends coming over later to help the hubs move the bedroom furniture downstairs from up.

We also went to the Oyster Festival yesterday for the first time...it was fun, I would go again, it was free and it go us to walk a few miles and people watch and just take it all in...it was fun.

So I have this fear each and everyday that something bad will happen to our babies, That we will have the VTS or that I will micarry, I wish I could get over it..I have had some lower pressure and a bit of pain...I go for an ultrasound Tuesday I hope all is al right.

Yolks!

I had another ultrasound today, the babies are developing just the way they should so far....next Wed we should be able to hear the heartbeat...I pray to god that there are 2 healthy, strong ones.

I had a nice talk with Christina, the NP at the RE's office...she put my mind at some ease about the VTS, but it is not 100% guaranteed that it will not happen...just going to hope and pray that all turns out well

Will they make it?

My current fear right now is this vanishing twin syndrom...appearantly it happens very often, and especially since we found out so very early on....I am scared that it will happen, and then we will have to explain to everyone what happened....or I am afraid of a miscarriage. I sort of wish we had not told people so early, then we would not have to explain if something goes wrong....I am scared and am just praying for 2 healthy, little babies.....come on babies....we want you more than you would ever know...

Twice as nice....

We had an ultrasound yesterday at 5 weeks and found there are 2 sacs! There is always a chance that they may both not make it as babies, but for right now, we are having twins. I was glad that Tim was able to be there for me at this ultrasound, it almost did not work out that way, but in the end he was there, right where I wanted/needed him.

I am feeling many,, many things about twins...I feel blessed and scared and excited and oh goodness, so many things!!!

Could it be?

So yeah, we are pregnant. I am still in shock myself. I had taken that home pregnancy test on Tuesday and it had said no, so I spent all week telling myself I was not pregnant. So that when the phone call came on Friday, I could hold it together and not be so disappointed.

Well, when the call came she said I was pregnant. I think most of what she said after that was unheard by me, because I was so in shock and taken back by it. I have still had a hard time getting used to it, simply because I was so resolved that i was not pregnant. I had even made another appointment with another RE for next week to talk about different options.

What I do remember the nurse saying is that my beta is pretty high, 361 and there may be twins. Holy cow. I am still trying to take it all in.

I am 4 weeks along, so not very far. everyone knows, so hopefully all turns out all right....but here we go, on a wild ride!

randommmmm

So I went yesterday and had my band unfilled some. It seems that for the last 2 months I was too tight and that was what was making me throw up. We took out .4...and man did it make a huge difference....I think I may enjoy it for a week and then go in for a .1 fill...somewhere between where I am now and where I was .4 ago is where I want to be. I feel like I can eat a bit too much right now....but we will see. I want to be healthy, up my protein intake and see where it gets me.

The doctors office called on Friday and said my progesterone level was fine, they did not tell me what it was though, despite asking that morning to have the number left. I am going to call on Monday and tell them that disappointed me, that i want specifics when it comes to my care....not general it's fineness...

I went out last night with some people I am getting more and more friendly with, Jim and Jen and had a blast. It was nice to be social and meet new people and be able to enjoy my food, and the music that was playing on the patio....only thing that may have made it a TAD bit better was being able to enjoy a glass of wine or a martini...but no can do until we find out if we are pregnant.

I am having mixed feelings about if this could be the month...I am scared to death that it did not work this month and I dont want to do this stuff again. It made me feel so shitty...I am hoping with everything I have that we are pregnant this month. I POAS this morning and of course it was negative, but it was only like 7 days out and I know that is usually too early...but a small part of me was really hoping someone would realize how much I want this and show me a positive....come on Friday for a positive blood result!

2 weeks never felt so long...

This 2 week wait is the worst. It takes every ounce of restraint I have not to pee on a stick every single day. But I know it is still too early. Tomorrow is my progesterone test...I am hoping for something greater than 13...we will see.

My band has been giving me trouble lately...I am throwing up multiple times a day and I am tired of it. I am tired of not being able to say no to food, foods that I know will make me throw up or clog my band. I am addicted to food and it is high time I admit this.

So, in the morning I am going for an unfill and am making an appointment with the nutritionist and a psychologist to try to get back on the path to healthy, happy banding!

IUI

So today was my IUI....24 afters trigger...I had 3 eggs as of yesterday, 16, 17 and 18.

Todays washed sperm count was 6.8 mill...which was sort of disappointing...I had hoped for it to be over 10mil..but oh well.

37 hours after trigger the hubs and I did BD....hoping one of those will find my egg!

.....

Today I went for an ultrasound and all 3 of my eggs are mature now. I got my Ovi.drel shot at 8:00 ish and have to have my IUI at around the same tomorrow....I am a little concerned about the short timing of it but have done a bit of research. Tim and I will BD tomorrow night between -10pm too, to improve chances....

My eggs today were 16,17,18. Here is to really hoping this cycle works.

Speaking of, this cycle has really just kicked my ass...there is no nice way to say it...I have been in a lot of pain physcially and could not stop crying today at all....

Boy have I slacked...

This cycle has been very different, in a good and bad way. It has been causing a LOT of pain..they say it is my ovary stretching and the follicles growing, but it hurts a lot.

I went in on Monday, which was day 12 of my cycle and had 2 follicles size 10 and 13...

I went in today, Wednesday and had 3 sized 14,16,17! Woot!

My E2 on Monday was 178 and today it was 452! that is great! I am really excited.

Things are looking better this cycle...I have to go in tomorrow and be rechecked and see the egg sizes again....and they want to trigger tomorrow and IUI like 24 hours later....crossing fingers!

Starting again!

So I started my 100 mg clo.mid last night. I took it before bed, as all my reading said that I would be able to sleep through any and all side effects. I took it and slept like a baby! I have a good feeling about this cycle...I did not have a good feeling about last month!

Today I am going to Rhode Island to my cousin Kelly's graduation party. I can not wait to see all my family! Tim is staying home because he picked up a work project and we sure can use the money....and him and Kevin are also going to install our windows! Woot!

Big Fat Negative

Yes, I took 3 tests, and most were way too early to tell. I was going to test Friday, today, which was 11 dpo...but I did not need to. Nope, because my period came yesterday.

I was sad, and wanted to cry. I shared it with my husband and got the typical next month response. I would kill for just a little emotion and understanding sometimes.

Anyway, part of me was glad, that if it wasnt that my cycle was still going to be the same. I had no idea what the hormones would do to it, and if it would be my regular cycle of I had read about woemn having like 50 day cycles...

Mine was due the 9th, and came the 8th. Perfecto.

I went in to see Dr. L this morning and had my baseline ultrasound and blood work. It was the most painful ultrasound I have ever had....the lady could not find my right ovary and she was pushing and pulling and popping, it was not fun.

Everything looks great and I am starting Clo.mid 100 tomorow, rather than the 50. I didnt over respond to the 50 so they think the 100 would be a bit better. I am taking is days 3-7, so I strat tomorrow. I hope that this higher dose produces more eggs this time and I hope that hubby and I can refrain from sex longer than 33 hours and have a higher sperm count and that all of these things together make us a baby, or two!

P4

So I had my p4 level done on Friday...it is supposed to be 7 DPO, but because Monday is a holiday I had it done friday....it was 7.8...which is a td low but it may have been 10 by MOnday which is where I would have liked it...

I am still not having a great feeling about getting a positive this month but time will tell.

I POAS today, even though I knew it was far too early...I will test Tuesday and Friday and if my period doesnt come I will have the blood test on Monday the 12th

We will see

IUI and the dreaded wait

So I did my Ovid.rel shot on Saturday night at 10 pm....I went in for my IUI monday morning. I had to be there with the sample at 9:30 so they could wash it and then it went down at about 10:15...

I am not feeling oh so positive about this cycle....we did not abstain from sex long enough...should be 3 days, we went 34 hours...so while Tims count was high enough at 5.8.....it would/could have been higher. We will do better next time, I promise!

So now is the wait, and waiting I am terrible at....I have no patience at all, and even though I have a feeling it will be negative, I cant wait to find out one way or another...grr

18, 11, 12

So, there are 3 follicles growing....the 18 is the lead one and the other are not and may not get to maturity, or one may...who knows. My level went down today to 151....odd, but they did not seem negative about it.

We do our IUI on Monday...I do the Ovi.drel shot Saturday night and then show up, sperm in hand at 9:30 monday morning. I am nervous and excited! Woot!

Outpour!

So, I have been posting a lot on Facebook about this silly journey to making a baby. Maybe a little bit too much. It seems that some people are tired of reading it, or don't understand why i am so excited to have an egg, or say that I am jinxing myself by buying things for a baby.

This whole thing is really hard...and if buying gender neutral baby items is what gets me through it, I don't see the harm. I guess others do. Worst case is if for some reason I can not conceive then I will have a lot of baby shower gifts!

So, all of this is slight discouraging to me. If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing. Be sensitive, don't make snide remarks about how you are putting the cart before the horse and who cares if you have an egg, you aren't pregnant. I know that I am not pregnant, I am not stupid! But the fact is that I never made an egg on my own so to take the medicine to make an egg and see it work is encouraging....even if I don't end up pregnant this month, at least I know that while I am broken when it comes to making a baby, a medicine can help fix it....I went on on Wednesday anxious to see whether the medicine had worked at all. There was a good chance that the dose was not strong enough, since we started on the lowest dose, or that it was not the medicine for me. But it did work and that is pretty damn exciting to me...maybe not to everyone else, but to me it is!

So, if you are reading this hopefully you are not a negative nellie! I know it is hard for people to understand infertility who have not been trhough it, but it is really hard on a person physically and emotionally and often times financially, although luckily it has all been covered by insurance...we have spent maybe $125 on co pays so far, which is peanuts to what some people pay, so I feel blessed and lucky.

So this is my blog, its about life, about infertility and who knows what else. My dealings with my hsuband maybe tehe...sometimes when we fight I want to vent but have to watch what I put on facebook because I am friends with some of his friends....

So, check back often and see what I have written!

And........

We have one follicle. I can not lie, I must say that secretly I had hoped for a fe, but one will do. No twins that means....

It is 14-15 in size right now and my estrogen is 178, all is on track. I got my Ovi.del today from the doctors office, it had been shipped there while we were on vacation.

I go back in on Friday to have another ultrasound and blood work and then I will probably do the shot over the weekend and then IUI on Monday and baby dance on Tuesday.

Wheeee so crazy to think that I am gonna be pregnant!

Vacation and Clo*mid

So Tim and I went on vacation for the last week at the beach house in Clinton that we have been to for the last 3 years. It is an amazing place and we have such a blast inviting our friends to come and spend time with us there. There is no internet and it really just gives us a time to recharge our emotional batteries. We relax and hang out. We bring out dog Moxie with us and she hangs out and loves being on the beach and playing frisbee and digging holes.

So we do a week in June and a week in September...just to give us something to look forward to.

So, we got to the beach house on Saturday and had a few couples up and did a Mexican night with our friends, played a drinking game and just had a blast. Sunday we had a dozen or more people up to hang out with us and I made enough food for an army! We had so much left over that I did not have to cook for the whole week. I took these days to have a few drinks, since hopefully this will be my last time drinking for a long time.

Monday I started my first day of clomi*d. I took it Monday through Friday, 50mgs. I also ordered my Ovid*rel injection from Freed*om pharmacy. I was really happy that the pills and shot only cost a whopping $15!

So I don't see to have had any physical side effects of the medicine so far, luckily. But emotionally they are kicking my ass. I did not really feel it until Saturday. I felt like I wanted to cry at the drop of a hat, and I felt angry as well, and then I was extra angry that I was angry, because I did not want to be angry. I felt sort of anti-social and just really not myself. It continued over to today, where I woke up cranky and was not nice to my husband over something that was not a big deal. I just feel over emotional and sad and angry. and I take that back, I feel really, really tired physically. That is the only change I have noticed.

So I go in on Wednesday and see how many eggs are growing, if any. It is possible that this is not the drug for me and it is not working. It is possible they will see some great eggs. I am anxious to see and hopeful that it is working....They will see how big the eggs are and I may need to be monitored for a few times to get the eggs to the size they want them, and then they will tell me to do my shot at home....and then the I*UI (insemination with the hubs swimmers).

I am really hopeful that it will all work out, but trying to be realistic as well,. It seems a bit harder for me today, because it is Fathers Day. Aside from my father hating me, I feel really sad that I am not able to just make a baby normally for my husband. And it makes me even more sad to think that half of the dads out there are dads on accident. And it really makes me feel sad, and broken that I just can't say okay, its time and make a baby. I am broken. And I often wonder if my husband feels that way too, but just will not say it. It weighs heavily on my mind...and my heart.

I feel so many emotions and think surely crazy thoughts..I just wish that someone, somewhere understood. I can see this is already taking a small toll on my marriage with my crankiness and my husband who doesn't really quite get it. He wants to get it, I know he does, but I just dont think he can.

So, I will update on Wednesday!

Life sometimes just gets in the way of doing the things that we want to do, like shop and blog and get pedicures!

I have been doing a lot of transcript typing in preparation for going on vacation. I have certain deadlines that I need to meet and things to get finished...and new stuff keeps coming in. I get a little overwhelmed...but spent some of today typing and will spend more time tomorrow.

Tomorrow, we also are going to 2 open houses. I really enjoy these and love that my husband goes. I tell him it's a cheap date because it is free and I really enjoy the time together with him.

This coming weekend we are heading to the beach house, and I can not wait! I feel like I need this, I feel that we need this as individuals and as a couple. No Internet, just me, my hubby and our dog. Of course we have friends coming up on the weekend to spend time with us, which I also enjoy!

I am waiting for my cycle to start. It should be coming between the 9-13th, today is the 6th....and once it starts everything sort of jump starts. I go to the doctor on day 2 or 3 and then start the Clo.mid. I am scared and excited all at the same time. I am really trying not to get my hopes up too high, but I really hope that it works the first cycle. I know there is a decent chance it may not, but I really do hope it does. I know I will experience great disappointment if it doesn't.

I have been reading alot and trying to be really informed about infertility. I have been reading other peoples blogs, reading books, the internet and talking to people. We have a couple that are going through it at the same time as us, and while they are doing diferent meds because they have been being treated longer, it is nice to have a female to talk to and maybe for my hsuband to have someone to talk to as well. I think sometimes we forget how it effects the husbands in our lives and I want to try to be sensitive to that as well.

Happy Band

So, due to my sickness last week the doctor had me do an upper GI test today to check on my band. It was really neat to see my band and how it works under florascope. My band is positioned perfectly and working just as it should be. I got .01 of a fill while there too. I hope it jump starts me back to losing weight. I haven't lost anything in a week and it is kind of depressing.

I did discover today that I can no longer eat pasta. It makes me sad. I love pasta. I prefer it over any cake or candy or anything really.

My hubby and I had a fight last night. It was about the air conditioner. It was stupid but I really feel terrible about it. I think it illuminated a bigger issues for us on both sides. I really feel like his opposite schedule is taking a toll on me, and on our relationship. It is so hard. I also have so much going on in my head, I really feel like my husband just does not get it, and part of me thinks that he just doesnt care. I have issues going on with my mom, and worrying about her, work is taking a toll, I am tired all the time, I have stress, and infertility really takes a toll on me too. So much. Sometimes I just feel like I need a husband who is more understanding, more compassionate. One who will say I don't understand, but I am here for you. Someone to wipe away my tears. It is a bad week, I may feel differently next week, but right now, I feel alone.

I feel physically tired all the time. No doctor knows why, but I am so sick of being sick and tired. It is hard for me to imagine how a baby will play into all of this. If I am too tired now, how will I be able to take care of a baby, when I feel like I can barely take care of myelf some days.

Life happens

So, I had said I would not go weeks without blogging, and here I have failed. I want this journal to be a guide and look back on our journey of infertility, as well as for a way for family and friends to keep up with what is going on. Sadly, nothing much is going on right now.

We celebrated Tim's dads retirement on Thursday with a whole bunch of his co-workers at a restaurant in Maddison. It was a nice time, and his dad was really glad that his kids were there to support him. On the way home I felt sick, and just got worse as the night went on. By midway through the night I was in horrible condition. I called out of work and was really sick, fever, throwing up, the whole nine yards. I had a doctor's appointment that day anyway, so it worked out well. I went to see my general doctor, Doctor T, and he said it was food poisoning or a bug, he wasnt sure which one, as they both have the same symptoms. He wants a ultrasound of my spleen, but he gave me some meds to take away the nauseau and he also gave me a clean bill of health in general and said to go ahead and have a baby! He was pleased with my weight loss and said that it is much more healthy for me to have a baby now. It makes me so happy that all of my doctors are on board with getting pregnant now. I have lost 40 pounds and they are all happy and supportive and it makes me happy.

My husband has been away at a LAN party with his friends this weekend and I have had some great me time. I shopped all day yesterday, and bought a lot! The only bad thing about losing so much weight is that none of my clothes fit anymore! So I needed some new ones. I bought a few things for the beach house as well. Just 3 more weeks and we will be enjoying a wonderful week away. I can not wait!

Not much going on in baby news. I am just waiting for my period to come in June, and then we will begin the cycle. I am so happy, but at the same time so scared that it will not work. I don't want to get my hopes up too high, but boy do I want to be pregnant next month. I would love to tell my husband at his 40th birthday party that he is going to be a dad! His party is mid July, and I should be able to test right before it!

We are off to look at an open house today. After finding the home of our dreams last weekend I a not so excited to go house looking anymore. Sadly, we just can not afford that house, it is about 70K more than we wanted to pay. But I sure did love it!

The Oncologist

So I had a follow up appointment with the Oncologist at the local hospital. A few months ago, March 9th, I had Co2 laser surgery on my girl bits. I had been diagnosed with severe pre-cancerous cells and had to have them removed. Laser is the most cosmetic friendly way to go, so the oncologist suggested that.

Well, perhaps he was optimistic but he told me 2 weeks of no sex and I would be good to go. This was the most painful surgery I have ever had. They burned from top to bottom, and it hurt like hell. So anyway, fast forward to now, 9 weeks later and it still hurt to have sex.

So, I went for a follow up again and he said there is one spot that looks scar like and it is healing slower due to less blood vessels. He gave me some lidocaine to put on when I want to have sex and said it will heal, he promises.

After that, I went to the market and to Walmart. I bought a baby onsie that says I love dad. This may be a bit over ambitious, but I am so hopeful that we will be pregnant next month. I made a pitcher of homemade lemonade, the ole fashioned way, lemons, water and sugar, yum.

The beginning....

I have had bits and pieces of blogs over the years, but really want to be able to document our journey through infertility.

The start of us....7 years ago we began dating. We moved in together after almost 3 years and got married after being together about 6 and a half years. So, technically we are still newlyweds!

We own our home, but are currently looking to move to a new house with better school districts and a more family friendly neighborhood. I love looking at houses and dreaming of all the things that we could do to it.

I work as a court recording monitor for the State of Connecticut and my husband holds a job in video streaming. We both work full time and a bit of opposite schedules. Sometimes it sucks.

I have PCOS and after extensive testing, blood work, ultrasounds, HSG, SHG, and SA, we found out that I do not ovulate. No eggies = no babies. So, after thinking and talking with the doctor, next month we will start our first round of treatment, Clomid, Ovidrel and IUI. I am excited and scared to death! Follow me through it!

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