Blah Blah Blah

So, I am not in love with my blog design...every time I look at it I feel like I am 4...but I had to change it because the other one went down...I still need to find something I like....just throwing that out there.

Vacation was good. The weather was amazing....it was not overly relaxing for me. It is a beach house and it is RIGHT on the water and it is breathtaking....but there is no room service, or maid service or any of that...I still have to cook, and clean and take care of the dog. So it is a vacation, but it is not like a hotel type of vacation.

And this year we had guests almost everyday, so on top of that I then had to entertain. I mean, it is not hard to sit on the deck and sit around and talk, but I had to serve food to everyone...it was hectic. But we do love it. It is our spot. We got engaged there, and celebrated our one year anniversary there.

On that, I feel sort of bad, or jipped that we did not make a huge deal of our anniversary. We exchanged cards and the hubs got me a gift card for a book store, which was nice, but it was no rock my world, all out romantic day. I mean, we aren't really that kind of people, but it still made me feel, blah.

I shopped while up there and bought a pair of maternity jeans...love them. I bought a few tops from Target as well. I hit 12 weeks today, and I am excited but I haven't seen or heard my babies in 4 weeks, it is the longest I have gone and I can't tell you how anxious I am to hear some heartbeats..I have a fear of something happening to one or both of them. I need to hear them. I go in on Tuesday, which seems like a lifetime away...

Still unemployed...I had my phone hearing and it was approved but I was told, as I am sure they have to tell everyone, that the company can still appeal it, which makes me sad and now I will have to worry for the next month about if they are going to. I hate stress, but I have so much of it!


Oh, I did not take many pictures on vacation, because we have so many pictures from the years past, but here are a few of my Moxie girl! She had a blast for a whole day digging this huge hole on the beach.

Vacation

Tomorrow the hubs and I leave for the beach house..it is such an amazing place to sit back and relax....it has special meaning for us. We have been renting it for about 4 years now, we got engaged there and on Sunday, the 19th we will celebrate our first wedding anniversary there.

So, I will be away, with no internet (which I love) and I will update with some pictures when we get back!

Nothing much, but a whole lot..

So I am siting here, just having eaten the nest sandwich in the world, at least to this pregnant lady! Shaved steak with mushrooms, onions, cheese and mayo...oh boy was it heavenly. so very, very fattening, but so worth it.

This weekend has been pretty dull...yesterday was a dental cleaning, I despise the dentist and am usually sedated for all dental work, it makes me that crazy but yesterday I had to get a cleaning and not use sedation....it was really hard to put on my big girl pants and suck it up, but I did, but am in NO rush to do it again.

Then we celebrated my niece Amelias 5th birthday. So many screaming kids, and I just did not seem to have the patience for it haha

I have been sick for about a week now and it seems to only be getting worse...I was up all night coughing and have just been feeling icky.

Today we have some plans to do some stuff around the house, including finishing emptying our old bedroom and turning it into a proper guest room, as we have weekend visitors coming in a few weeks...I feel like my house is always so dirty and it makes me nuts...granted everyone says it is in my head, but I really really want to whip this house into shape this week....

Next Saturday we pack up our stuff, including Miss Moxie and head to the beach house for a very much needed week of relaxation....

A week already...

Wow, I never mean to let a week go by!

Let's see, last weekend was my 31st birthday...my husband was away having a mantime weekend...I drove to RI on Sunday to see my family and spend my birthday with them..it was really nice and I was glad that I was able to do it, it is a bit of a long ride, almost 2 hours each way, but I still enjoy the family time.

Thisweek I have been cleaning the house, wanting to get each room in order, so far I have done the bathroom and kitchen and bedroom...I am talking top to bottom cleaning and it feels good, ceilings, walls, rearranging the kitchen, we now have a cupboard for baby stuff and room for 2 highchairs...

Today I don't feel well, it has been creeping up all week with a cough but this morning I have no voice, lots of coughing and watery eyes...maybe allergies, I am going to rest easy today and do nothing. We have a doggie social later at hiking trails a little bit away, I am going to try hard to get there with Moxie, it will do us both good.

I bought a crib and a changing table yesterday, they only had one of the cribs that I want so I have to order another one, but we now have a place for a baby to sleep.

On Tuesday I had my first OB appointment...I got to hear the heartbeats for the first time...I got to see them a bit better, this ultrasound machine was super high tech and it was the first time that the babies actually started to have a baby shape with a head and arms and legs rather than looking like a circle, it was neat.

I opted to have all the tests that they want to do, some people do and some people dont but I want it so I have some blood work to get done and a special ultrasound at the hospital early October...

We leave for vacation next Saturday to the beach house...I am excited, we will celebrate our first wedding anniversary there and its a special place, we got engaged there as well.

I think that is a bit it for now. I am still feeling sad about being unemployed...I started some babysitting to earn a bit of money, but I am trying to put my feelings all in a place....

Well,that was an easy decision

So at 11:00 am yesterday I was let go from my job. My boss came in and told me that I wasn't "fitting in" and when I asked for specific examples she just said it wasn't working out. Funny it took them 2.5 years to figure that out and they did not figure it out until I was pregnant. Sadly, CT is an at will state and I was a temporary employee, so really they don't need any real reason to fire me.

I spent all day yesterday crying my eyes out. I don't think I went more than 5 minutes without crying. I was a wreck. My husband has been amazing and said that I should just relax and be a stay at home wife/mom. I feel like I have a lot of months left to just sit home, but I also know that I probably wouldn't have been able to work much past January, they say you shouldn't plan to work past 28 weeks with twins, and that most women need bedrest.

I can collect unemployment, at least they told me i could and the letter they gave me simply states that they no longer need my services...I filed already but because I was let go I have a telephone hearing on the 28th, and will get no checks until then, so I hope I get it. Thanks to Obama you can collect for an awful long time.

I am happy about being able to stay home with my babies...I am going to commit to breastfeeding and enjoy raising them. I am worried about money. My husband makes a decent living and we will get by, but I fear how the transition will be going from each conrtibuting to his money all of a sudden being ours. I will get about $200 a week in unemployment, not a lot, but enough to contribute a tad.

Health insurance wise we will have to go on my husbands....his coverage costs more and is not nearly as good as mine, we will have a 750 deductable, and co-pays will be $20/$40 for a specialist. I am just glad I got so much from my health insurance, lapband and fertility wise....I couldn't imagine having to have paid $40 every doctors visit to the RE...if this plan would have even covered any fertility stuff...

So, thats been my life for the last few days....yesterday seemed like the end of the world, today seemed better. I am going to spend next week getting this house cleaned and in shape, since switching the bedrooms it is all a mess. We have vacation the 19-25th...

Oh, and I packed my husband up and sent him on a 2 day/2 night manfest, or LAN party to any geeks out there. He packs his computer and someone hosts a party and they all play computer games and eat and drink, they are going to the gun range tomorrow as well...man thinsg with the same bunch of friends....it happens a few times a year and I am glad he gets the time to go spend some man time. I made him 10 pounds of buffalo wings and sent him on his way.

I will miss him, I hate, hate, hate, okay, maybe I am actually scared to be home alone...I go nuts and lock all the doors and windows and keep checking them and sleep with the phone by the bed and put the flashlight and hammer on the nightstand. I hate it, alot.

Baby beats

I had my last appointment with the fertility doctor today...they did an ultrasound. Baby a had a heartbeat of 161 and baby b was 163. All is well. I have my first OB appointment on Tuesday the 7th.

So I am beyond stressed with the whole day care thing. I have a job with the State. I am only considered part-time per diem, although I work 35 hours each and every week. I get no vacation, sick or holiday time paid. I can take as much time as I want, just all unpaid. I dont make that much hourly even, just $14.25. But the benefits are amazing. I have health benefits though them and they are suped up CT State employee benefits. I get so much that I know other people don't.

My lapband was covered 100% within 4 weeks. My infertiliy was paid for completely, from testing, HSG, Sono, IUI, meds.....I had a $10 copay at the docs only. I think it cost $85 each month between the 3-4 ultrasounds and blood work and meds and what not. Ovidrel was $10, Clomid was $5.

I don't want to stop working. I will have a great retirement package with the State and my husband jokes that he will take care of us now and I will take care of us later. I also enjoy my job.

CT is expensive, everything in it, cost of living is the highest after NY I think....my mom lives in RI and can never get over how much more everything costs here.

Daycare, for a meh center, far from the best, for the twins they want $546 a week. Far more than I make, or at least take home after they get done taking all they do for all the things I am paying into (medical, dental, retirement, logevity and a few other thinsg I dont even know what they are). That would be a total of $2316 a month after a 2% paying monthly discount. Our mortgage is $1950 a month. $400 a month mor ethan our mortgage. Yikes.

I have called about half a dozen home daycares, which would still be about $400 a week, but the problem with that is they canonly have 2 infants under 2, and most already have one and will not have openings for 2, or they have a daycare kids mom who is pregnant and will have had an infant by that time.

I really am at a loss. I am so beyond blesed to be pregnant with twins, I know this. But with 2, it really is double the cost. The daycare will break us. The diapers, the formula, everything. It is going to be really difficult.

I am trying to talk my mom into coming and staying a few days a week with us to help out. She lives in another State so she would have to come and stay a few nights here. I dont know what is going to wok out, but i am super stressed about this.

I don't want to have to quit my job. It would be nice to stay home for a year, but I dont want to give up the state job. I wont get it back, I am pretty sure. I have put in almost 3 years there and I know even though it doesnt pay much now, in the long run it will pay off big time for us.

Sad :-(